Bonus – An Interview with Father Time’s Sons
This first appeared in February of 2017 (on Valentine’s Day) on the Fangtastic Blog:
An Interview with the Sons of Father Time
Author Wendy Sparrow recently sat down with brothers, Zeit Geist of Stealing Time, Tempus Halt of Taking Time, and Ruin Angelus of Keeping Time.
Wendy: I’m turning this on, and I’ll transcribe it later.
Zeit: What is it? *picks up recorder* *tapping and shaking*
Wendy: No, put that down. It’s just a recorder.
Tempus: *snorts* Mortals have such weird devices.
Wendy: Okay, first, introduce yourselves.
Tempus: Isn’t this what they do at those mortal addiction recovery meetings?
Zeit: On TV, they do.
Wendy: Just do it.
Tempus: Fine. Hello, my name is Tempus.
Zeit and Ruin: Hello, Tempus.
Wendy: Sit down. Guys, knock it off. Here, I’ll do it. Zeit and Ruin, who are also sons of Father Time, are here too.
Tempus: Why did you wave? No one can see you. *silence* Right? They can’t see us? *picks up recorder*
Wendy: Put that down. *takes back recorder*
Ruin: How long is this going to take? I promised Phoebe I’d make it back in time to watch a movie tonight.
Tempus: On Valentine’s Day?
Ruin: *slowly* Is that not okay?
Tempus: Whose idea was it?
Ruin: Hers. She said if we weren’t doing anything, we could…
Tempus and Zeit: *groans*
Zeit: It’s Valentine’s Day! You were supposed to come up with something to do. Valentine’s Day is a huge deal with mortal women.
Tempus: I mean, they only have a limited amount of them—sixty—seventy—eighty—or whatever. How long do mortals live now? I should really know this.
Zeit: You should. Seventy-five or eighty years on average.
Tempus: But they probably don’t remember the first few, right?
Zeit: I wouldn’t think so. Either way, I’d discount those because they’re not doing much.
Tempus: But the seventy or so Valentine’s Days they do remember should be, well, memorable. It’s a mortal, uhh, thing. What did you do last year?
Ruin: Last year, we, uhh, watched a movie. *clears throat* She did get all dressed up for it, though…
Tempus: Dressed up like how?
Ruin: It was this short, tight black dress. It was made out of velvet maybe.
Tempus and Zeit: *groans*
Ruin: Well, what are you two doing tonight?
Tempus: I’m taking Lacey to the theatrical adaptation of And Then There Were None.
Ruin: Don’t they all die in that?
Tempus: What? I don’t know. No. Did you just ruin the play, Ruin?
Ruin: The name of it is And Then There Were None. The title spoils it.
Tempus: No, you spoiled it. Hasn’t anyone ever told you that you don’t spoil endings like that?
Ruin: I haven’t read it. I might be wrong.
Tempus: Probably not though. Lacey has already read it, so she’ll be looking smug up until I figure out who the murderer is. She said I’m not allowed to gloat aloud when I figure it out.
Zeit: I heard there was a dance involved. Lacey told Hannah that, last time, you stood up in the movie theater and shimmied while your hands were up in the air, waving around.
Tempus: For what movie?
Zeit: For what movie? You’ve done that more than once?
Tempus: No! Well…no, I don’t think so…maybe. But which one?
Zeit: I don’t know. Didn’t say. Just heard there was a dance. That’s what I’m doing tonight…well, not that! But I am taking Hannah dancing.
Ruin: Maybe I should do something like that.
Zeit: Not at the same place as Hannah and I. That’d be…weird.
Ruin: Why would it be weird?
Tempus: Yeah, Zeit, why would it be weird? What kind of dancing are we talking here? Dirty-dancing? Or maybe it’s the place you’re going…
Zeit: In Boise? You do remember I live in Boise, right?
Ruin: Boise could have a nightlife.
Tempus: In thrillers, it’s always places like that with the most graphic crimes playing out in the background. Like the tagline will read, “In the heart of America, a killer is waiting…” And the killer is always going after the kindergarten teacher or the librarian. Sometimes, it’s a punishment vendetta for the deep, dark secrets they have. Sweet, innocent-looking women are always hiding the sexy, but sort of naughty secrets. If she’s sweet, you know she’s got a ton of hidden desires, but she hasn’t told anyone—not her family or husband, especially not her husband, but the killer has found out. He knows her secret.
Wendy: Guys, I do have some actual questions.
Zeit: Hold on, like what sort of secret?
Tempus: You know…what she’s into.
Zeit: What is she into?
Tempus: That sort of thing.
Ruin: What sort of thing?
Tempus: Well, I’m not going to bother telling you—you can’t even recognize that when a woman is wearing a tight, black dress, she’s not planning on sitting on a couch to watch a movie. And, Zeit, you live in Boise!
Zeit: Which is where you said all sweet women have secret hidden desires…and Hannah is sweet.
Ruin: Hannah is sweet.
Zeit: What does that mean?
Ruin: What do you mean what does it mean? I was agreeing with you.
Zeit: So, you think Hannah has a deep, dark fantasy that I’m not fulfilling?
Ruin: How should I know?
Ruin: I thought watching a movie tonight was a good idea…clearly, I don’t know anything about women.
Tempus: She probably does.
Tempus: Hannah probably has a dark fantasy that you’re not fulfilling. Lacey has a ton of them…only I am fulfilling them. Probably a few tonight.
Zeit: Not if you stand up in the middle of the theater and yell that the butler did it before dancing like a monkey on crack.
Tempus: Wait, did you just spoil the ending? Did the butler do it?
*scuffling sound ensues*
Wendy: Guys, stop it. Zeit, don’t… Seriously, put down that chair. Tempus! Urgh!
Ruin: I think the interview might be over.
Wendy: It wasn’t even the butler. I’ve read it, and it wasn’t the butler.
Ruin: I figured. What would you do tonight? I mean, if you were a woman who was into romance?
Wendy: I just… *sighs and shuts off recorder*
Copyright © 2017 by Wendy Sparrow