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Speaking with Spooks while Dating the Departed



So, you want to date an apparition? There’s no judgement here, but there are a few things taken as insults among those of the spectral persuasion. There are things you should absolutely not say on a date with a spirit.


Nineteen Sentences That’ll Sending Them Poltergeisting

1. Don’t feed me a line, I can see right through you.

2. This place sure isn’t very lively, is it?

3. I’m dead tired…maybe we should call it a night.

4. I wish I could eat all I wanted and stay as wispy as you.

5. So, how often do you hang out with Elvis?

6. Whoa! That much excitement will kill you!

7. Did they have deep-fried Twinkies when you were alive? (I once made this mistake…it wasn’t pretty.)

8. It must be nice to never shave.

9. To save on admission, can you just go in through the wall?

10. Here, hold my purse while I go to the bathroom. (When it thunks to the ground…it becomes less funny.)

11. My last boyfriend was a huge jerk, but he was alive…so he had that.

12. You’re drafty–can you move down a seat?

13. It’s cool that I can’t catch anything from you.

14. The last time you possessed someone, did you make them hit themselves in the face?

15. I feel all bloated–it must be nice to be weightless.

16. Well, I am seeing other people…technically…I’m seeing more of them than you anyway.

17. So, what’s under the sheet? (This is only appropriate after a third date.)

18. It’s cool that I don’t have to reach around you to get things.

19. My grandma says you went to high school together–she says you used to be hot.


On the other hand, there are plenty of ways to get along with a ghost. Ana and the Apparition is story #2 in How to Bring Your Love Life Back from the Dead


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8 Responses so far.

  1. Melody May says:

    Lol. See can’t date a ghost. Might say the wrong thing.

  2. Wendy, have you heard about ghostsingles.com? It’s a online dating site…for the dead. They have some pretty awesome dating advice, too: http://ghostsingles.com/dating_tips.php

  3. Jami Gold says:

    LOL! These were fantastic, Wendy. Luckily I’m not in the market for dating the dead, as I surely would say the wrong thing sometime. I’ve made some interesting, *unintended* double entendres. o.O

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